sweeTea.

Dear Sleepy,

Someone could have warned me that Dear John would make me cry. I was only told that the movie wasn’t any good and then I was told it was a good movie. Regardless of what I WAS told, NO ONE told me that it would make me cry. No one told me that it would bring out personal thoughts and make me think thoughts I’ve been trying to suppress. As I exited a show rehearsal on April 14, 2012 a guy told me his brother had a crush on me. I didn’t think anything of this comment because it was said as I exited and they were entering. I thought of it to be more of a joke because people are always playing around. The following rehearsal, April 18th, the “brother” himself approached me and explained to me that he was embarrassed that his “brother” said such a thing, but that it was the truth. I found this same guy attractive, but I’m shy so I would have never told him so. Thankfully, he had the courage to come tell me himself how he felt. The guy that I speak of is Jalen. From this Wednesday, April 18th, we exchanged numbers and from there the rest is still to be written.

I can say that within the last few weeks I’ve grown to like Jalen. Especially after our first date, April 26th, when we went out for french toast and sausages. We wanted to get some french toast SO BAD because its our favorite. I picked turkey sausage patties as my meat because I missed sausage patties and never tried the turkey ones. Jalen decided to get the exact same thing. Later that evening when Jalen left (around 9pm) I started to feel sick. About 4am I woke up hoping that I felt better, but when I sat up I had the sudden urge to hurl. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just an urge and that breakfast food came back to haunt me. Funny thing is I felt embarrassed and my roommate was gone for the weekend, but the first person I wanted to call was Jalen. He didn’t answer so I sent him a text letting him know what happened. I felt a little better so I tried going to sleep again. When I woke up I felt so sore from the convulsions and I finally got a response from Jalen. At first I didn’t think anything of being sick because I usually feel better not too long after I start feeling sick, but then I had to hurl again and Jalen wanted to be there for me. Since I wanted his company as well, I let him come. I felt so much better with him next to me and around 1am I felt good enough to do back flips. Jalen has made me smile from our first conversation and is continuing to make me smile and I’m not embarrassed to say so nor do I have too much pride to let him know publicly. If I make a fool of myself later on down the line then so be it, because at this moment, this is how I feel.

I’ve recently been thinking about joining the service and Jalen and I haven’t really had the conversation about what that would mean for us because technically there isn’t an us. We’re dating and getting to know one another. It seems neither one of us want to rush anything so there is no title on anything just yet. Watching Dear John, John was already in the Army on leave and he met Savannah who he spent his 2 weeks leave with and fell for. I don’t want to be a spoiler (although I almost did just sum up the movie, but decided to leave that all out), but there were things that happened to John and Savannah that put me in a place that I’ve been trying to avoid. I don’t want to think about what it would be like to have to leave Jalen, write to him, or not be able to see his face and be miles away from him. Though I was put in this place involuntarily because I was already deep into this movie. Tears fell from the thought of having to leave Jalen and how hurt I would be at every departing. At every commercial I thought about us and me being active and away from him. I managed my way through the whole movie, but now I’m stuck thinking about this darn situation more. I don’t know if I want to have this conversation again with him tonight and I just want to not have to think about it. I know that its not helping to keep running, but I’m so nervous. I just met this guy almost 3 weeks ago and here I am including him in a serious decision on mine. Its not based on me and him, but I know his feelings are involved as well and we’ll have to come to an agreement if I decide I want to go. I’m a emotional person so anything that I can’t agree on completely will be tough for me. I’m just always hoping we can come to an agreement that I’ll be happy with and not because it sounds good. I don’t know, but then again who ever really knows? I really care about Jalen and however he may feel, I just hope that things go well for us. Whatever decision I decide to make, I hope he’ll want to be there like he wanted to be there when I was sick, right by my side.